Your Editor is Not Your Friend

Crafting an Editorial Relationship So Your Writing Can Flourish

(photo by Erin Needham)

I’m always shocked by the number of writers I meet who are afraid of editors. As a gentle, supportive, and reasonably civilized human who happens to edit for a living, I frequently find myself reassuring writers that I’m not the rabid monster they’re anticipating. During one initial Zoom meeting with a fiction writer, the person’s voice actually shook as we began our conversation about their story. It took a good 10 minutes for them to relax and really understand that things were going to be okay, that I wasn’t going to gobble their fingers or set their protagonist’s hair on fire.

Maybe what writers fear when they begin a new editorial relationship isn’t the editor but their own relationship to being seen and critiqued. This is an intensely complicated, vulnerable, and emotional experience which exposes our histories. More importantly, it points to the necessity of thinking about what we as creators need before entering the relational arena with our editors. When writers don’t do this, they are at a distinct disadvantage in that they are relying on the editor to build the relationship infrastructure; chances are good that without input, the editor will do this according to the editor’s, and not the writer’s, personality and needs.

After close to 20 years of both editing and teaching college writing, I’ve realized that when the writer has input in the editorial relationship, it’s far more likely that the work will be fruitful. What do I mean by this? Basically, when writers show up at the beginning of the process and influence how things unfold, their anxieties and fears are eased, and they can shape the process in a way that is more well-suited for them. It’s much more likely that they will trust their editor, which allows the dialogue about the work to be more honest, more creative, and more synergistic.

You might be thinking, “But how do I do that? I’m assigned an editor by the literary magazine or the publisher I’m working with. I don’t have any power.” That’s partially true. What we often don’t perceive is our soft power; we need to understand where our choices are and then learn how to make them strategically.

This is even more vital when you’re looking to hire a freelance editor, since you get to choose the person you work with. A lot of writers ask me how to find someone “good.” My first suggestion is to rephrase the question: “How can I find someone who will be good for me and my project?” There are many good editors in the world, but when you know yourself and how you do your best work, and when you can communicate that, you’ll have a much easier time finding and creating that important relationship that will deeply impact how far you’ll be able to develop your writing.

So, how do you actually do this? Here are a few concrete ideas. If you have others, I’d love you to note them in the comments.

Have a face-to-face conversation early on

I’m not gifted enough to convey how important this step is. Millennials and Gen-Zs tend to be live-connection-averse to their detriment. When you look into someone’s eyes, even if it’s over Zoom, you’re accessing the oldest and most important communication cues available to our species. This gives you the benefit of millions of years of evolution.

Why is this important? The first thing is simply to allow a fuller connection to happen between you and the editor. This influences so much of what follows on levels we’re not even conscious of, and it makes a positive outcome more likely in the nanosecond that you’re interpreting a text or an email. Also, you and your editor will have a stronger sense of one another, which allows you to make micro adaptations and adjustments to how you relate. Third, if you need to resolve any tension or deal with sticky issues and you haven’t had a face-to-face, it will be much harder because the first time you meet will be in the context of a conflict.

Communicate specific questions to help guide feedback

“What did you think?” isn’t the kind of question that helps the editor help you. If you’ve put thought into what is and isn’t working in your piece, your editor can piggyback on your process and join you in thinking through what you might do to resolve those issues. Also, your editor might not have thought of those particular issues, meaning you’ve expanded the range of what the editor can then help you work on. Further, it communicates that you are taking responsibility for your work at a higher level. Questions like, “What can I do to up the tension” or “Is Davia a likeable character” or “Was the dialogue realistic” are going to help your editor focus on places you’re wondering about.

Name your audience demographic

If you are working with a publisher, this will be part of your conversation, but if you hire a freelance editor, it’s something to make sure the person knows. It’s also incredibly important that your editor is part of your audience demographic. If you’ve written a historical novel for educated Black American women in their 40s-60s, and your editor is a white guy in his 20s, you’re simply not going to have feedback that will ultimately serve your book.

Let your editor know your preferred style of feedback

This one can be hard for many writers because it’s an assertive thing to do. Also, you might get paired with an editor who isn’t adaptable and not open to adjusting their style. But it’s worth reaching out and letting the person know what works best for you, since the idea is that everyone has the same goal (helping the writer make the best piece they can). An example could be, “I tend to be someone who works well with a lot of encouragement. I’ve benefitted in the past when editors point out what’s working well in my manuscript, especially when there are problem passages; like, see, here’s a place where you actually do x or y; try to do that in the paragraph on page 34.” Or, “I’m a fan of tear ‘em down to build ‘em up. Please don’t waste time on praise; I just want to know where I’m losing you and why.” Phrase this in an informative way and make it about you; instead of “I want you to do x,” you can say, “I learn best by x.”

At the beginning of the contract, ask your editor for a short check-in midway through

This is another one that can make writers feel vulnerable. But if you haven’t done this, and there’s a problem as you begin working together, it will be much harder to ask for a meeting because it’s driven by a specific conflict. Having a space built in to make sure each person is doing well in the relationship is taking good care of process, which takes the pressure off. It’s much more likely that you’ll be able to talk through things that might not be going well if that meeting is on the books. You can also use this meeting to talk through any issues that are too complicated to address in comments. This is something else I find that ups the quality of the process a hundred fold. Just being able to talk back and forth means you can both access creative synchronicity that can only happen in real time. If your editor is open, why not avail yourself to this?

Now, not all editors will be willing or able to do this, but again, if you don’t ask, it’s probably not going to happen, so definitely worth a shot.

Remember that your editor is not your friend

I’ve become friends with clients, and I take on friends as editing clients, but when I’m actually doing the work, I’m not acting as the person’s friend. My role is rather to help make the story the best version of itself as well as to nurture the writer’s growth and evolution as an artist. The reason I can’t do this as a friend is because editing requires a level of honesty that most friends don’t have, at least friendships that aren’t deeply intimate. I’m in a support role but I’m also a mirror, and I’m going to say things that the writer will find difficult to hear, no matter how diplomatically I say them. If I don’t say those things, I’m not doing my job. Editors break writers’ hearts all the time, but this is because on some very superficial level, we want everyone who reads our words to find them the most brilliant thing ever, and this is seldom true. If the writer has any chance of moving the writing along and improving it, they will need to weather the heartbreak and understand it’s a critical if difficult part of the process. Most friends simply aren’t that honest with each other.

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The writer-editor relationship is tricky. So many of us had our creativity stifled in various ways when we were younger and more vulnerable. Sharing our creation is extremely risky emotionally, especially when we’re early in our writing journeys or careers. If you’re able to choose an editor, take the time to consider finding someone compatible. And once you’re in a writer-editor relationship, chosen or assigned, do what you can to help craft that relationship. How much your writing evolves absolutely depends on it!